I’ve suddenly found myself with a lot more time on my hands than I’m used to. This isn’t by any means a bad thing; it is apparent that I’ve been neglecting myself for some time so I will use this time as wisely as I can.
I’ve done it. I’ve bought a nice new notebook to write notes and first drafts for this blog. I’ve been using my iPod’s notebook app, which is great, but fiddly – and it’s only when I email it to myself and paste it to Word that I see all of the auto-correct mistakes. Better and quicker to just write things down as they come into my head. So I figured when I’m out and about, on the bus, on planes – wherever – a notebook would be handy to keep track of my ideas and thoughts.
But it comes with its own set of problems. It’s brand new. A blank canvas waiting for me to put my mark on it. But the pressure that it brings is astronomical; what if my first recorded idea is a bad one? What if as soon as I write it, I see it in its pathetic glory? Then I will have it mocking me from the front page every time I go to write in it.
It would be unreasonable of me to want all of my ideas to be good ones. To want every glimmer of a plan to evolve into a new blog post. But I’d like the first page to, at the very lease, not be cringe-worthy for ever more. Having the negativity of something glaringly bad hanging over me would, I’m sure, not help my ability to write anything even slightly resembling coherent sentences.
I refuse to wait until I have a definite ‘good’ idea though. I will not give it that much power over me. The next idea I have will be jotted down on the first page. Adversity is all around, but it will not be found coming from my notebook.