Dating

date2Some time ago I went on a date with quite a nice man. Just to give you some background, we’d ‘met’ online on a dating site almost a year before, chatted loads, had a few phone calls too, but we never managed to meet up. Despite living less than 30 miles apart we were thwarted by money, time and I think a kind of apathy; both single, both had some bad experiences… We pretty much stopped chatting, our contact waned to a few ‘pokes’ on Facebook.

Out of the blue almost a year later I received a text:

So when can I whisk you off for a romantic meal for two? Xxx

My first thought was that he’d obviously mixed up his contacts in his phone, and I sent a text back saying just that. But no, he’d been reading though the messages we sent each other the year before and said “All I can say is what a fool I was for not making the time to meet u xxxxxxx

To say I was excited was a bit of an understatement. It was a first date with someone I felt I knew already despite having never met him.

He picked me up, we went to an Indian restaurant not far from mine and we had a lovely night. The conversation never stopped (and he was even sexier in real life!). We talked and laughed all evening and he came in for a drink when he drove me home. Again, we sat and talked and just relaxed with each other.

He had to leave fairly early as he had an early start, so we said goodbye and off he went. A little while later I got this text:

Hey thanks again for a great evening my apologies I had to shoot off, just got home now xxx

We exchanged a couple more texts that night before saying goodnight and all felt right with the world.

Except that was it! Over the next couple of weeks I sent him three texts, all unanswered.

What’s up with that?!

Today he ‘liked’ a post I put on Facebook. Why, when he doesn’t seem to want any contact with me?!

So…..a request to all who read this:

Guys – Please say what you mean. Don’t be nice to save our feelings – it doesn’t.

Girls – Don’t get your hopes up, some guys are people pleasers.

(I appreciate that these roles are reversed a lot of the time too)

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Personality Report

match affinityI overheard some people talking on the bus the other day about MatchAffinity.com, how you answer a bunch of questions and they give you a personality report. So I thought….why not?!

The questions took me about 25 minutes. A lot of them had two statements and a sliding bar between them. I got through them all and then checked out the results:

Analysis of your values

The analysis of your personal values shows that you prefer change to stability. You like new and different experiences – and you also want to be independent in what you do, what you think and what you feel.

So you get more from looking after your own interests than from taking care of other people.

For your relationship to last, you need to have share values with your partner. Your most important values are these: Excitement, Power.

Analysis of your outlook

You have a romantic view of love. Romance is important, even though you are quite modern in how you think relationships should work.

You cope well with routine and daily tasks – and you like to live a calm, quiet life.

You are actively looking for a partner right now – you’re definitely ready to commit and be faithful and would expect the same in return.

Sex is very important in your relationship – all the more so because you like to experiment in the bedroom.

You set firm boundaries for your children and are careful not to be over-friendly with them.

To you, money doesn’t mean happiness – you don’t think it’s necessary at all. That said, you like to spend your money as you please.

The more your views and your ideal partner’s views match, the more chance you have of getting on well.

Analysis of your personality

Given your most obvious qualities, it would be great for you to meet the kind of partner:

Who appreciates your need for time spent one-to-one rather than being with lots of people.
Who shares his feelings with you and feels good about you expressing yours.
Who listens to you and supports you in practical ways when times get tough.
Who’s able to accommodate when you stick to your guns.
Who’s happy with your direct, straight way of communicating.
Who can be intuitive.
Who is as organised and conscientious as you are.
Who sees your relationship as long-term.
Who looks at the positive side of things and is optimistic.
Who welcomes your emotions and expresses his freely.

You’d also really like it if your future partner:

Is able to emotionally invest in the relationship.
Lets you cherish and take care of him.
Spends his free time as he wants to, without needing to spend every moment with you.
Is happy to make joint plans for the future.
Likes to be physically affectionate.
Shares your intellectual interests and is able to talk to you on a wide range of subjects.


Is it right? Does it sum me up?

I didn’t really think power was one of my most important values. I agree with the bit about romance: it is important to me. I long to have some romance in my life.

The ‘analysis of my outlook’ was more right than wrong, but it all seems common sense. Normal stuff that could probably apply to most people. Does everyone get the same outlook analysis? If anyone is reading this who has done it can you paste yours into the comments below – I’d love to see if anyone gets anything completely different.

The bottom section, traits I would like my future partner to have, seem obvious too. They are all things I would like in a partner and I struggle to comprehend there are people out there who don’t want someone who welcomes your emotions and expresses his freely. Or who is happy to make joint plans for the future. Or listens to you and supports you in practical ways when times get tough.

So my big question is…. Is it just a gimmick? A way to extract cash from people looking for love? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

The Grammar Nazi and the Dating Game

grammar nazi
In the past I’ve been called a Grammar Nazi. And I confess, there’s more than a little truth in it.

I’m not a fan of text-speak at all. I’m on board with lol, tbh, and at a push, tomoz, but other than that I avoid them all. I know this makes me sound very old-fashioned but I don’t care! I love the English language, words are beautiful things; why would I bastardize them?

I know in a previous post I mentioned that I dabble in the dubious world of online dating. Upon joining a new site I always find I attract a lot of attention being the ‘fresh blood’ and one of the ways I sort through the pack is by looking at how they write their bio.

A common tactic seems to be writing “I’m not too good at talking about myself, if you want to know anything just ask”. Come on!! What a cop out! So, you want a woman but don’t want to put any effort in? NEXT!

The next lot to go are the ones with bios similar to this: “Hey bbe, Im lookn 4 a gd lady 2 spnd tym wit…..”. Oh please. What you need is English lessons. Maybe I’m in a minority but I think if you genuinely want to attract a mate you need to put time and care into it. But perhaps, as I said earlier, I am just old fashioned in this respect.

I don’t really know where this over-protectiveness of the English language has come from. I’ve always been an avid reader; maybe it stems from that.

I’ve started to wonder if my actions are cutting out a potential Mr Right. If I was to meet someone in ‘real life’ I would have no way of knowing what their written grammar was like and furthermore, if I was attracted to them I probably wouldn’t care! So why do I hold it against people online? Good grammar is no indication of someone’s ability to hold a conversation which, at the end of the day, is much more important. But I suppose the flip side of that is when you meet somebody online you rely on typed conversations. I’m not sure I could take anybody seriously if they used text-speak all of the time.

The Search for Love…

I’m single, and looking for love. I’ve tried the night out clubbing thing, and decided it’s not for me. Generally you meet people who want sex, not love. And as I’m not really a clubber, why would I want to meet somebody who could potentially be into clubbing a lot?

I don’t want to meet anyone at work; it’s never good to mix work and pleasure. Exciting, yes. But not a smart thing to do.

So what does that leave? Tesco?! Do I really hope to find love there? Maybe brushing fingers with a suitable single man as we both reach for the last Meal for One? I really don’t see that happening any time soon!

I decided some time ago to enter the ever-so-surreal world of online dating. And since that decision was made, I’ve tried quite a few different sites – which often feature a lot of the same people – and met quite a few weird and wonderful men.

One in particular stands out. We first started talking about a year ago, and we hit it off straight away. We instant messaged, moved on to texting, and then to phone calls. It was a great time for both of us; we got on so well. The only thing wrong was that he lived too far away for a relationship to really be practical. We both knew it, talked about it, but still kept chatting, none the less.

One of the things we started chatting about more and more was meeting up for a weekend. We were both single so there seemed no harm in it. Eventually we planned a weekend in London together. He booked the hotel, we both got the train there and met at the station. And it was perfect. He was such a gentleman; he treated me like a princess all weekend, held doors for me, looked after me on the tube (I love the tube, and would have been fine on my own, but it made me feel special having him take care of me), he took me to a lovely restaurant for dinner, we went to the cinema, then after we walked through Leicester Square. It was November, so the Christmas lights were up, and it was truly magical. Not once during the whole evening was he not touching me in some way: holding my hand, arm around me, arms linked. I’d never felt so complete before. And haven’t since.

He is the benchmark I measure all first dates against, which is crazy as I know none will measure up.

The thing is though, I worry that the fact that I have done it makes me look desperate. And like a slut. I knew we didn’t have a future, but we got on so well and I wanted to feel special for a while. I don’t tell that many people about that, and a few other things I’ve done over the last two years. Scared of being judged I guess, which is something I think about a lot.

I told a very good friend about this last night, and his response surprised me. And made me think about it in a completely different way:

“Wow that sounds amazing. Didn’t you see him again? Your life sounds really cool to me. Really different and exciting – you are not afraid to take risks especially with your love life and that’s amazing to me.”

Since I received the above text I can’t stop thinking about it. Do I judge myself too harshly? Am I too self-critical? I worry so much about judging others; maybe I should cut myself some slack.

(Just in case you were wondering, I didn’t see him again. It was what it was, one fantastic weekend, and I’ll never regret it. We keep in touch by email – just as friends. Neither of us wants to let go completely, but we both know this is how it is.)