Is it worth the effort?

friendships

Sometimes in life you look at various friendships you’ve been blessed with and just occasionally, you realise that a few have one thing in common.
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Train – Hey Soul Sister

This song hasn’t just been in my head, oh no – it’s been absorbed by my soul. Whenever I open my mouth to sing, out comes “Hey soul sister…”. I hang up the phone at work and find myself singing it to myself under my breath, every time! And it’s been this way for a couple of weeks already.
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I Love You

i love you

“I love you”. Those three little words can mean so much, but are often bandied around with little or no thought to their meaning.
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China Anne McClain – Unstoppable

There are so many different songs I thought about posting this week, but most just seem to encourage over-indulgent self-pity and I really can’t do that. Not for long, anyway.
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The Pretenders – I’ll Stand By You

I loved this song when it first came out back in 1994 (I just worked out how old I was then; now I feel old). I used to sing it all the time in my bedroom, belting it out at he top of my voice (I bet my folks LOVED me!).

Even now, 19 years later, the lyrics still give me goosebumps.

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Dating

date2Some time ago I went on a date with quite a nice man. Just to give you some background, we’d ‘met’ online on a dating site almost a year before, chatted loads, had a few phone calls too, but we never managed to meet up. Despite living less than 30 miles apart we were thwarted by money, time and I think a kind of apathy; both single, both had some bad experiences… We pretty much stopped chatting, our contact waned to a few ‘pokes’ on Facebook.

Out of the blue almost a year later I received a text:

So when can I whisk you off for a romantic meal for two? Xxx

My first thought was that he’d obviously mixed up his contacts in his phone, and I sent a text back saying just that. But no, he’d been reading though the messages we sent each other the year before and said “All I can say is what a fool I was for not making the time to meet u xxxxxxx

To say I was excited was a bit of an understatement. It was a first date with someone I felt I knew already despite having never met him.

He picked me up, we went to an Indian restaurant not far from mine and we had a lovely night. The conversation never stopped (and he was even sexier in real life!). We talked and laughed all evening and he came in for a drink when he drove me home. Again, we sat and talked and just relaxed with each other.

He had to leave fairly early as he had an early start, so we said goodbye and off he went. A little while later I got this text:

Hey thanks again for a great evening my apologies I had to shoot off, just got home now xxx

We exchanged a couple more texts that night before saying goodnight and all felt right with the world.

Except that was it! Over the next couple of weeks I sent him three texts, all unanswered.

What’s up with that?!

Today he ‘liked’ a post I put on Facebook. Why, when he doesn’t seem to want any contact with me?!

So…..a request to all who read this:

Guys – Please say what you mean. Don’t be nice to save our feelings – it doesn’t.

Girls – Don’t get your hopes up, some guys are people pleasers.

(I appreciate that these roles are reversed a lot of the time too)

Personality Report

match affinityI overheard some people talking on the bus the other day about MatchAffinity.com, how you answer a bunch of questions and they give you a personality report. So I thought….why not?!

The questions took me about 25 minutes. A lot of them had two statements and a sliding bar between them. I got through them all and then checked out the results:

Analysis of your values

The analysis of your personal values shows that you prefer change to stability. You like new and different experiences – and you also want to be independent in what you do, what you think and what you feel.

So you get more from looking after your own interests than from taking care of other people.

For your relationship to last, you need to have share values with your partner. Your most important values are these: Excitement, Power.

Analysis of your outlook

You have a romantic view of love. Romance is important, even though you are quite modern in how you think relationships should work.

You cope well with routine and daily tasks – and you like to live a calm, quiet life.

You are actively looking for a partner right now – you’re definitely ready to commit and be faithful and would expect the same in return.

Sex is very important in your relationship – all the more so because you like to experiment in the bedroom.

You set firm boundaries for your children and are careful not to be over-friendly with them.

To you, money doesn’t mean happiness – you don’t think it’s necessary at all. That said, you like to spend your money as you please.

The more your views and your ideal partner’s views match, the more chance you have of getting on well.

Analysis of your personality

Given your most obvious qualities, it would be great for you to meet the kind of partner:

Who appreciates your need for time spent one-to-one rather than being with lots of people.
Who shares his feelings with you and feels good about you expressing yours.
Who listens to you and supports you in practical ways when times get tough.
Who’s able to accommodate when you stick to your guns.
Who’s happy with your direct, straight way of communicating.
Who can be intuitive.
Who is as organised and conscientious as you are.
Who sees your relationship as long-term.
Who looks at the positive side of things and is optimistic.
Who welcomes your emotions and expresses his freely.

You’d also really like it if your future partner:

Is able to emotionally invest in the relationship.
Lets you cherish and take care of him.
Spends his free time as he wants to, without needing to spend every moment with you.
Is happy to make joint plans for the future.
Likes to be physically affectionate.
Shares your intellectual interests and is able to talk to you on a wide range of subjects.


Is it right? Does it sum me up?

I didn’t really think power was one of my most important values. I agree with the bit about romance: it is important to me. I long to have some romance in my life.

The ‘analysis of my outlook’ was more right than wrong, but it all seems common sense. Normal stuff that could probably apply to most people. Does everyone get the same outlook analysis? If anyone is reading this who has done it can you paste yours into the comments below – I’d love to see if anyone gets anything completely different.

The bottom section, traits I would like my future partner to have, seem obvious too. They are all things I would like in a partner and I struggle to comprehend there are people out there who don’t want someone who welcomes your emotions and expresses his freely. Or who is happy to make joint plans for the future. Or listens to you and supports you in practical ways when times get tough.

So my big question is…. Is it just a gimmick? A way to extract cash from people looking for love? I’d love to hear your thoughts.